How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
