I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
