I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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