I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
