So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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