Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
