I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
