Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
