the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
