yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize