Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
