I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
