wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
