You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
