shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dicks are not precious.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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