This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
