Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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