i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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