Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
