Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
