6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
