You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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