apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
