so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
