i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
