i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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