this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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