Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
