and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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