She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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