an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
