I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
