I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
