so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
