I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
