At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
