im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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