And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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