Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize