I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
