So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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