I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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