Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
where are my eyebrows?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
