He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
