Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
