Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize