I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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