felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
