forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
