I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize