I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
