she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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