Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
