Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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