Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
