you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
