Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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