FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
