apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
