Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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