Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
