Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
