did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
