I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
