Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
