So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
