That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
