am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have feelings that need drinking.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
