Ketchup is God's man juice
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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