Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
